Dearest George,

In twenty minutes time you will be exactly 12 months old. I'm writing you tonight while reminiscing about today and yesterday and all of the weeks and months that have made up this one wild, glorious, life-changing year.

It feels like just yesterday I was mailing out your birth announcements and now here we are back at the beginning again...June 2...one whole year later! WHERE has the time gone?!

I've been reminiscing this week about last year...feeling SO pregnant...waiting to go into labor...finally going into labor...giving birth to you!!!!...taking you home...and those first few days of newness, joy, wonder, and emotion.

I didn't want you out of my sight for even one minute. I remember that first night/morning we brought you home and I just couldn't sleep. I had to watch you. Look at you. Wonder at you. Check your breathing. Stare at all your precious, perfect features. I was in awe.

I remember watching my parents hold you and seeing them become grandparents in an instant. I was so overcome with emotion at their joy and love for you.

I remember taking you to church on the very first Sunday of your life. Your Dad and I sat in the back of the auditorium at Bishop O'Connell High School and neither one of us could hold it together for most of the service. We were so incredibly grateful for the gift of YOU!

I look back at this last year and simply feel thankful. I feel thankful for God's provision to us. He provided amazing coworkers that helped send me off into this new job with such confidence. He provided a next door neighbor who was a midwife. He provided a church community that brought us meals, prayed for us, and encouraged us. He provided friends like the Skolnitskys who were embarking on all of the same things we were on this parenting journey. He provided my Mom! He provided neighbors to watch Admiral Byrd when we traveled, the Smith gals to babysit at a moment's notice, and girlfriends who made things so easy for me. During those sleepless nights that we thought would never end, God provided miraculous pockets of rest. We had a pretty serious health scare with you at six weeks and God provided just the right doctors to care for you. He provided my sister and your grandpa who came to sit with us in the hospital. He provided healing. He provided safety for us in all of the many travels we made this last year to see family.

There has not been one day of your life, dear George, when I have not needed the grace of God. It carries. It upholds. It strengthens. It heals.

You have been the greatest joy of our lives this year, darling boy! I cannot believe how quickly the time has gone.

We went to the grocery store yesterday afternoon and an elderly man stopped to wave at you. You waved back so enthusiastically and he smiled as he told me, "Enjoy this time. It goes so fast. My son is 54 and I still can't believe he's grown." I had such a lump in my throat that I couldn't even reply, but I nodded, yes! yes! I am trying to enjoy these days! Every day. Even the hard ones. These are precious days.

George, your Dad and I love you more than we could ever say. We thank God for you. Happy, happy birthday to you, our beloved son!

Letters to George Fossen // Volume 8

Dearest George,

Well, how do I put this? You're perfect. :) Your Dad and I just adore you. Every stage with you is my favorite...when you smiled at four months I thought, this is my favorite stage! Then you sat up at six months and I thought, okay this is it! And now here we are at 10 months and a day and I could just eat you up your cuteness is so delicious! This really is my favorite stage! ;)

Also, you are almost one and a toddler. Someone hold me.

You've been sick off and on for what has felt like months! But really it's just been a cough and cold that wouldn't go away. And then a high fever that stuck around for a few days. And then a sinus infection. Lord, have mercy. I am on a first name basis with the nurses at our pediatricians office. The last few weeks have been a blur! But, thankfully you're on the mend now. Praise the Lord!

You are into everything these days. E V E R Y T H I N G. Baby Proofing The House 2016 was in full effect a few weekends ago and we're still not done.  You're opening bathroom cabinets, pulling out every last item of my makeup from under the sink, unrolling the toilet paper, chewing on shoelaces, opening and closing and opening doors, picking up pieces of lint and dust off the basement carpet...you keep your momma busy. I am in no rush whatsoever for you to walk! The crawling is about all I can keep up with these days!

You love bath time (still), and eating broccoli. You'd probably survive solely on a diet of Cheerios if I let you. We're still nursing and you're definitely a fan of that! You want to try every piece of food you see me eating (or drinking). You're especially fascinated with my HyrdroFlask and you love drinking sips of water from it. You love your books (which makes me so happy!). And you love music...especially when your Dad plays Buck Owens.

You are obsessed with Admiral Byrd. And his tail. And his bones. And his chew toys. And his water bowl. And his bed. And his crate.

You take two good naps a day (most of the time). But nighttime sleep is another story! I feel like I've read everything there is to read about nighttime sleep...and asked every friend for help...and we still haven't figured it out. We'll get there, bud, we'll get there!

You adore your Dad. And seeing the two of you together makes my heart all soft and mushy. I love both of you so much. And I feel so fiercely protective of both of you.

Things people say about you:

-He's a live wire! (YES.)
-He's so serious. (This usually from strangers.)
-He looks like a George.
-He's such a happy baby. (This usually from family members.)
-He looks just like Andrew. (Until they see a photo of your Uncle Josh...)
-He's really tall!

You survived (and we survived) your first stomach flu in February. Your Dad got to watch about 14 seconds of the 50th Super Bowl before it was all hands on deck with the flu. We missed the entire game, but those Broncos still won!

Last week we went to the park with some friends and you went in the swing for the first time. You visited the Pentagon for the first time on March 1st when we attended our neighbor's promotion ceremony to Colonel! And you celebrated your first Easter last week--what a joy that was! I could barely keep it together in church...my heart was so full and so very thankful.

You've been outside in the world longer than I carried you inside me! We passed that 40 week mark and I thought to myself, "Time, slow down!!!"

I read something on one of those blogs making the social media rounds the other day, and it just made me teary:

Being a little boy's mama means seeing the little boy in all men, and feeling more empathetic than you were before. 

Being a little boy's mama will change you--harden you in some places, soften you in others--but will ultimately give the sweetest memories of when, for a brief period you were everything to a sticky-faced little man.

I love being your mom, George. As exhausting as it is...as life-changing...as heart-wrenching...I wouldn't trade it for the world. You bring so much joy to your Dad and I. It's so cliche--all the things they say about being a parent...how you would do anything for your child, and how you experience God's love in a whole new way once becoming a parent, and how your love for this little person just becomes all-encompassing and so incredibly sacrificial...it sounds cliche--but it's true. Every bit of it. The love your Dad and I have for you, George--you may never fully understand it until you're a parent yourself. But, still, we hope you know it and experience and feel it from your earliest days...we pray you experience God's love in the same way.

We adore you, our sweet, sweet boy!

Your Momma and Dada

Letters to George Fossen // Volume 7

Dearest George,

How ON EARTH are you almost eight months old? How are we this close to your first birthday?! Somebody hold me!!! Oh, how your Dad and I love you, our sweet, sweet boy. You are irreplaceable and precious and every good thing we ever imagined. And MORE.

I am writing these letters in my head to you all the time. Little records and snapshots of all your first milestones. I'm recording as many of them as I can in your baby book. Your first smile. First plane ride. First time you rolled over. First time you reached for me. My eyes start welling up when I think of all these precious firsts that your Dad and I get to be a part of and witness. We just adore you. I thank God every day that he's entrusted us to be your parents. We are so imperfect and have so much growing still to do. But, we treasure you beyond words and thank God for the great gift of being your mom and dad!

Every week brings new changes for you bud! But some weeks are bigger than others, and we've had a few of those this month.

Your first snow was on January 20! Just a few flakes in preparation for Jonas. ;) Your wonderful Dad joined my family in Maryland for dinner that night and what was normally a 20 minute drive home turned into a six and a half hour commute for him. Poor guy!

You said 'momma' on January 23. Your Dad and I were sitting on the stairs with you and you said it clear as day. Dad can vouch for me! You've been saying 'ba ba ba' for weeks now. Whenever we're with Nani and Grandaddy they sing the Beach Boys Barbara Ann to you, and you just eat.it.up.

Your Uncle Isaac came home for 48 hours last week. He's on a seven month overseas deployment with the Navy and none of us had seen him since we said goodbye to him last July. His sponsor dad from the Naval Academy suddenly passed away...funeral plans were made...a request was put in...flights were scheduled...and Brother was coming HOME! You'll never remember it, of course. But I will tell you, George, the rest of us were SO glad to see him! And we packed as many meals and memories and hugs as we could into those 48 hours. What a completely unexpected, bittersweet reunion! Not enough to tide us over until the summer, but it'll have to do. :)

A record snow hit D.C. last week. Winter Storm Jonas started on Friday and continued through Saturday. Church was cancelled on Sunday and the city plow didn't come through until Monday. Your Dad bought a snow blower the day before Jonas hit. And, my goodness, was that ever a fantastic purchase! He cleared our neighborhood sidewalks, then moved on to an elderly neighbor's driveway...down the street to his parents...and back! He saved the day for all of us.

I got a Facebook notification on Saturday as Jonas was raging outside that your Dad and I had been friends on Facebook for five years. It was so cheesy, but so cute! We've lived a lot of life in five years.  It hasn't been perfect, but I'm still so unspeakably grateful for five years of knowing your Dad. He's my best friend. And the man of my dreams. Truly!

What else? You LOVE baths. You get so excited when you hear me turn on the bath water. Your Dad says it's because you were born in the water. That makes me laugh. :) You are so strong. You're always grabbing and pulling and reaching for everything. Even when I'm holding you, you're lunging for anything within arm's length (as long as it's not a stranger!). You love to eat, but you're not crazy about being spoon fed. You like to hold and touch everything for yourself. You love Admiral Byrd, especially when he licks food off your fingers.

We spend our days at the library and Bible Study and our church's Toddler Friday's program. Nani comes over at least once a week to help me with...everything. Seriously, everything! That deserves it's own letter! :) Nani has walked Admiral Byrd, washed my dishes, mopped my kitchen floor, pulled dead plants out of my patio pots, scrubbed rust out of my sink, polished candlesticks, used WD-40 on our squeaky doors, brought me coffee, and even been down on her hands and knees vacuuming under our living room couches. She has helped me not just survive this first year of motherhood, but THRIVE in it! I am so grateful for her.

My absolute favorite part of the day is putting you to bed each night...nursing you and holding you beside your crib for just a second or two longer and watching you sleep so peacefully in my arms. If I could freeze time that's where I'd freeze it. I don't take any of it for granted. And I don't wish any of it would go faster. Every new season is my absolute favorite age with you. I treasure all of the moments.

Being a mom is so hard and so wonderful and so amazing and so draining all at once. Whenever I send gifts or deliver meals to mom friends I always send a note and include a sentence along the lines of, You are doing an amazing job! because they ARE. This is hard work and whether that mom breastfeeds or bottle feeds or practices attachment parenting or uses a pacifier or doesn't or works outside the home or stays home or cosleeps or whatever!...she loves that child best. And she is doing her absolute best. Being a mom has opened my eyes to a whole new arena of offering encouragement. Your Nani rarely leaves our house without saying, You are doing such a great job! And you know I'll support you in whatever decision you make! I think that's really all any mom wants to hear!

Perhaps our biggest update of all? You finally started sleeping through the night! PRAISE THE LORD!!! The snowstorm provided just the right circumstances for your Dad and I to be home together for a few days and really help you start getting into a better sleep groove. Any my goodness is it making a difference! It's still a little sporadic, but I feel like I have a whole new lease on life! And your Dad does, too, since he no longer has a crying baby and a crying momma on his hands. ;)

Oh George, you are growing and changing right before our eyes. You are such a handsome boy. Your smiles melt us, and we would do just about anything for those giggles. Your Dad and I are crazy about you. We love you SO, little G man! 

xoxoxo

Your Momma (and your Dada, too--always!)

Letters to George Fossen // Volume 6

Darling George,

I have tried to write this letter to you at least a dozen times...and every time my eyes well up with happy tears and I can hardly make it through to the next sentence! You are HERE! It was you all along!

I can't even begin to tell you how much your Dad and I love you. My parents used to say that all the time...You'll understand when you're a parent...I get it now. I really do! It's an all-encompassing, crazy, joy-filled, heart-breaking, intense kind of love! You made your Dad and I parents! That's still weird. And fun! We stare at you all the time. Your smiles, your laughs, your little fists, your long arms and legs...we are just crazy about you!

It has been the sweetest summer with you, precious George. You made your arrival one day after our second wedding anniversary and the days and weeks since then have been one big happy blur. We've mostly camped out at home, but we've made it to church and your grandparents' homes many times. We even celebrated your Uncle Stephen and Aunt Elinor's engagement and vacationed with my family in Williamsburg! We've enjoyed lots of walks around the neighborhood, too. I hope I get around to recording your birth story--it is one of my favorite stories! I loved giving birth to you!

We had SO many visitors in the first few days after you were born. It was a revolving door around here of happy grandparents and aunts and uncles and family friends. And the gifts! SO many gifts! Every day packages were arriving from Florida and California and New York and Hawaii...the FedEx truck was a welcome sight. :) And the cards! Some of them would come addressed to "Master George Fossen" and my heart would feel so full.

My friend Jenna graciously offered to organize meals for us after your arrival...and George, boy did we enjoy some good eatin'! We had friends bringing us meals every week for the first two months of your life! I've yet to go to the grocery store once since your birth--we have been spoiled! But, not spoiled rotten (I hope) because I feel so, so grateful for our community of friends and family. Oh sweet George...when I was pregnant with you I stressed about the nursery coming together and whether your layette was complete and if I had the right diaper cream and what your going home outfit should be. Those things were important, yes. But the most important thing we needed for your arrival was something we already had...our community. Oh, you need people. And my goodness did we ever rely on our community in those early postpartum days and weeks. I feel so incredibly grateful for the outpouring of love and support we received. And still receive! God was and is so good to us.

George, you are fearfully and wonderfully made. We included verses from Psalm 139 on your birth announcement, and those verses resonate with us now more than ever:

For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. 

Psalm 139: 13-14a (ESV)

You are a precious gift from God, sweet George. Your Dad and I pray every day that you will grow into a man who knows and loves God. We pray that your masculinity will be deeply rooted in your Creator. You have energy and strength already...and we pray that you would use that energy and strength to fulfill God's good purposes in your life. We feel so honored and humbled and privileged to be your parents. We are learning, too! Bear with us. We have already made mistakes and I'm sure there will be many to come. But, we love you so, dear George!

We thank God for you--our precious, precious son!

All our love,

Mom & Dad

Two days old with your wonderful Dad!

Your Uncle Isaac sent us flowers that arrived the morning after you were born...

...and your Aunt Courtney brought over a beautiful bouquet when she visited later that evening!

Hand-delivered cookies from Nani's dear friend Brenda!

Our wonderful neighbor Denise (who was also at your birth! more on that later...) tied a few blue ribbons to our front door to announce the news of your birth to the neighborhood

Admiral Byrd...still not sure what to make of all this baby crying. ;)

Just shy of two weeks old!

First bath! (Dad is wearing shorts hah!)

Aloha! Wearing the onesie from your Hawaiian-living Uncle Isaac

Celebrating at your Uncle Stephen and Aunt Elinor's engagement party (and wearing your first Swedish outfit)!

Our wonderful Beatrice!

The newly engaged couple!

Meeting one of your great grandmothers for the first time!

Where would we be without our Nani?! She has helped me adjust to motherhood all summer long...I am so grateful for her!

Letters to Baby Fossen // Volume 5

Sweet Baby Fossen!

I'm wondering every day now...is today the day?! Is this my last letter to you? Is this the last time your Dad and I will have dinner just the two of us? Is this my last pregnant walk waddle around the neighborhood? We are down to a waiting game now! Almost 40 weeks sweet babe! Take all the time you need...but, not too long...please! ;)

Your Dad and I can't wait to meet you! I feel like I say that over and over but it is so true. The very first feelings we had about you are still there...what will you look like and be like? What kind of music will you enjoy? Will you be outgoing or quieter? Will you like the farm? The ocean? Will you think Admiral Byrd is as funny and weird and jolly as we do? What will your one wild and beautiful life be like?

I have loved being pregnant with you! Aside from some small discomforts here at the end the majority of this time has been, thankfully, so smooth--and really wonderful! We've traveled a lot together...New York City and Bermuda and Hawaii and all over Maryland and Virginia! I will never forget experiencing so many firsts with you...the first sonogram, the first "I'm going to lose my dinner" wave of nausea, the first kicks, the first baby outfits, the first time someone prayed for you, the first time someone asked me when I was due, the first maternity clothes, the first birthing class and birthing books and highchairs and nursery decor and baby showers and baby names...I hear your heartbeat at every prenatal visit and it still fills me with joy each and every time.

Your Dad and I are so thankful for you and can't wait to meet you. There are so many things I want to tell you. So many things I want you to know. Our pastor, John Yates, said something in a sermon the other week and I thought-yes, that! That about sums it all up..."Always remember...the way of Jesus is the way of life...the way of fulfillment...the way of purpose." If you remember that all the days of your life, the rest is just details.

Dinner last night at Outback Steakhouse! :)
We wondered the whole time,  "Is this our last dinner out before Baby?!"

Our Hawaiian babymoon!
We talk about going back to see your Uncle Isaac allllllllll the time!

My wonderful coworkers hosted a baby shower for me last month, and one of the activities involved writing down hopes for you. Each guest took time to fill out a little sheet of paper, and afterward we went around the room and shared our hopes out loud. It was seriously one of the most precious times...I was in happy tears by the end! I saved every one of those sweet letters and put them in a scrapbook in your nursery.

Here is what I wrote to you...

I hope that you know how much you are loved!

I hope that you aren't afraid to start over. It's totally okay to fail.

I hope you love the smell of the ocean.

I hope you get your Dad's dimples.

I hope you laugh at yourself first.

I hope you never forget where you've come from.

I hope you ignore too many opinions. You can't please everyone.

I hope you become the man or woman God designed you to be.

I hope you respect the people who are most different from you.

I hope you learn to not take life too seriously.

I hope you grow in grace and knowledge and love for God and His people.

Come soon sweet babe! We love you so, so much.

xoxoxo

Your Mom and Dad

Letters to Baby Fossen // Volume 4 {A Nursery Tour!}

Darling Baby!

Your arrival is imminent now! Your Dad and I are so excited! Less than two weeks to go. I can hardly believe it. This time has just flown by. Are you really going to be in our arms soon? This is the happiest kind of surreal there could possibly be! :)

Your Dad and I have been working to get everything ready for your arrival. Your Dad has worked so hard. Long days at the farm for him and then nights spent putting together bookshelves...and nightstands...and highchairs...and changing tables. He's had so much on his plate. And so much I'm sure he'd rather be doing. But he gives of himself over and over and over again. He is amazing! He loves you so much.

{Mother's Day flowers from my sisters-in-law! // Ina May's Guide to Childbirth...one of my favorite pregnancy reads // Boon highchair}

Sweet Baby, here is your nursery! We've got items in here from Craigslist and J.C. Penney and HomeGoods and Amazon...and gently used items from lots of friends and relatives! That precious "Big Love" banner is from a shower my coworkers hosted for me last month...we all thought it would look perfect in your future room.

Could we talk about your Jellycat family for a minute? I am obsessed with these ultra soft creatures! Oh goodness, they are adorable! I wish they came in adult sizes.

And your little sheep mobile! Have you ever seen anything so precious?! My college friend, Becky, told me months ago that she wanted to make this for your nursery. She sent me photos of the wool and texted me progress updates...and I could barely contain my excitement when I saw her last month in Lancaster, Pennsylvania and she revealed THIS!

{Becky and I! Friends for 10+ years // Lancaster, PA // April 2015}

I was--and still am--all heart eyes over these precious little lambs! My Mom has always said homemade gifts are the best. And I thought that when Becky gave us this priceless gift. Every time I look at this mobile I'll be reminded of the gift of friendship. Sweet Baby Fossen, I hope you have deep, lifelong friendships!

We've got books galore for you! And a John Deere tractor, too. Of course. ;)

This little print hung in my bedroom years and years ago! It's still one of my favorite passages in all of Scripture.

The beautiful print below was given to Andrew as a gift from his friends the Boyers several years ago. When I found this picture months and months ago (maybe even longer than that--it was certainly during our moving-in/unpacking phase!) I just knew it had to go in your nursery...right alongside the Psalm 23 print. 

{Make Way For Ducklings! When some longtime church friends hosted a baby shower for us in March they used this book as the guest book--so many precious notes fill its opening pages!}

We snuck a photo of Admiral Byrd in your nursery, too. I hope you guys will be best buds one day!

The killer whale print below was in Andrew's nursery when he was a baby!

Sweet Baby Fossen, we can't wait to meet you. We are in the homestretch now! All these special things are just trimmings and trappings. You are the real gift. The real star of the show. We love you so much. 

{Burt's Bees goodies from my Sis // a photo from our Hawaiian babymoon // the softest swaddling blankets from dear Stephie // Mother's Day roses from my Mom!} 

We are praying for you and we can't wait to meet you...soon!

xoxoxo

Your Mom and Dad