Dearest Mom,

I really didn't get it...this mothering thing. 

I didn't understand how heart-wrenching and heart-widening and heart-breaking it could be.

Tomorrow I'll celebrate my first Mother's Day...and you will celebrate your 31st Mother's Day! What a lifetime of memories must fill those 31 years of mothering. And I only have this one year to look back on...one life-changing, life-giving sum of 12 months. 

I can barely think straight these days with the sleep deprivation and the pull of family and friends and church commitments and relationships with our neighbors and the house maintenance and the dog and future plans. There have been times I've thought I'd crumble under the weight of it all.

All I know is that in this last year you've helped me fly. You've helped my find my footing. You've buoyed me and stabilized me. You've been an anchor in a swirling sea of baby madness.

Aside from Andrew you have been my biggest help, supporter, and cheerleader in this first year of motherhood.

A few months ago I started recording all the things you helped me with. No one else, with the exception of Andrew, was doing the things you did for me! Everyone wanted to come hold George, but no one wanted to take my trash out. Everyone offered to babysit, but no one said they'd mop my kitchen floor. Folks said they'd play with George, but no one wanted to unload the dishwasher. You offered and insisted on doing those things. So thank you, Mom, for:

Scrubbing rust out of my kitchen sink
Walking Admiral Byrd
Mopping our floors
Taking out the trash
Folding our laundry
Bringing us dinner
Picking up Starbucks
Delivering takeout lunch
Reading to George
Polishing our silver candlesticks
Lending me your WD-40 for our squeaky doors
Picking up Sunday lunch at Panera
Loving my husband
Watering my front porch pansies
Pulling our dead mums out of our planters
Vacuuming our dining room

Loving my in-laws
Wiping down George's car seat
Dusting my furniture
Helping me rearrange the living room
Sweeping up a mound of pine needles from our Christmas tree
Feeding George baby food
Bathing George
Walking Byrd multiple times in one day
Mopping our kitchen floor
Loading and unloading the dishwasher
Emptying our trash cans
Taking our trash to the road
Offering to watch George on the monitor so Andrew and I could get out to get a bite to eat
Beating a rug outside with me
Bringing over toys for a 2.5 year-old visitor
Helping me and a neighbor when Andrew's cousin's daughter stayed with us for a day
Getting under the crib to mop up dust bunnies
Remaking our guest room bed
Fixing me scrambled eggs and toast when Andrew and I had the stomach flu

Thank you for the practical help you gave me. Thank you for giving me the sacrificial gifts of your time and energy. Thank you for helping me live out all the other areas of my life--wife, daughter, sister, friend, cousin, niece, neighbor, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law--while learning how to become someones mom.

You helped me thrive this last year. And no words--and no amount of thank yous--could ever repay you for the hands-on help you've given me. 

You have six kids and 31 years of experience as a mother. It would have been so easy for you to offer advice, but you didn't. You offered support instead. A suggestion now and then...but you always told me, "Whatever you decide, I'll support you!" You gave--and still give--me grace to discover the kind of mother God had called me to be...not the one you thought I should be. 

Moms don't live for compliments, but when someone says, "You're doing an amazing job!" it lifts the spirits! You remember that person and those words. You said those words to me on so many occasions--and each time, every time, it was just what I needed to hear.

Thank you for all that you have given me in these 31 years, but especially--most of all--in this last year. I am so grateful you are my Mom. I thank God for you. It is a joy to be your daughter!

I love you!

Emily

P.S. Thank you for the belly laughs, too. Those were oh-so-good for my soul!

10 Things That Have Surprised Me Since Becoming A Mom

I've been so sentimental this week with Mother's Day this weekend and George's first birthday right around the corner!

What a year it's been! And what an amazing experience it has been to grow into this role of being someone's mom. I wouldn't have been able to do it without my own Mom! But that deserves it's own post. :)

When I was pregnant with George I felt really prepared for this whole parenthood thing...after all I'd nannied before...and babysat before...and how many younger siblings had I helped to take care of? Hahahaha! Nothing prepares you for parenthood--of that I'm sure! Among all the new surprises these have been the best/funniest/sweetest:

1. How grateful I would feel for my own parents. Oh my. When you become a parent you can't help but reflect on your own parents! All those sacrifices they made! All the patience they had! All the energy! I am so grateful for mine.
2. And simultaneously--how awful I would feel that I ever did anything to cause my parents grief! Like, Emily, what were you thinking?! How could you have done that! Becoming a parent makes you want to go back to your own parents and say, "I'm sorry for every stupid thing I ever did that I put you guys through!"
3. How easily I would cry during any movie with a storyline about kids. Andrew and I watched Inside Out a few months ago...and when the little girl changes her mind and returns home...I could.not.stop crying. Andrew, too!
4. It's surprised me how thankful I'd be for other mom friends and how comfortable I would feel texting any question...did breastfeeding feel this way for you? what would you do when your baby woke up at 1:30am? should I send Andrew in? what solids are working for you? And so many more!
5. Becoming a mom made me experience God's love in a whole different way. God as our Heavenly Father...God sending His one and only Son...God's great love for us...His sacrificial love. Oh my, thank you Lord!
6. It shocked me how quickly I replaced pre-baby things...so long cute iPhone cover, hello OtterBox! So long regular sessions of painting my nails, hello short trimmed nails! So long blowouts, hello messy buns!
7. Though it was sometimes brutally hard, it surprised me how decisively I was able to say no to things...weddings, funerals, vacation plans, family dinners, etc. It just killed me to miss some of those things, but I also feel like becoming a mom has given me a healthy sense of my own bandwidth...and, let's be honest, baby's bandwidth!
8. How many times I'd check the driveway at the end of a long day to see if Andrew's car was pulling in yet. Cue all the praise hands when it did!
9. All of the body changes surprised me. The human body is an amazing wonder! I thought I would go bald from all of my postpartum hair loss, yet miraculously it all grew back! I thought my stomach would never look the same after that massive pregnancy belly, and yet weeks later there it was. In those early postpartum days I thought I would never feel normal again...and yet months later George and I were rolling around on the carpet together!
10. And the biggest surprise of all? The LOVE. Oh the love! Nothing and no one could have prepared me for that. It covers everything...the sleepless nights, and vomit, and fevers, and teething, and dirty diapers, and crying. It's like love amnesia--all you can recall is the joy and the wonder. At least, that's what it's been like for me. :) It has been an incredible, life-changing, soul-expanding, wonder-filled first year of being George's mom! What a gift!

P.S. My Sis has taken so many of these wonderful photos of George and I! I have always loved her eye for photography, and these photos from her are truly lifelong treasures! Thank you, Rab! xoxo